Collegewise

On giving more to your kids than you had...

The unpublished law of parenting is that you should want your kids to have more than you had.  It's a good law, one that makes parents work hard and sacrifice for the betterment of their children.

But this law causes a lot of problems when it comes to kids applying to college today.

A generation ago, just sending your student to college, any college, meant you'd probably given your kid more than you'd had.  In doing so, you'd virtually guaranteed your children a path towards better career opportunities and upward mobility that would never have existed without a college education.  

So, what's "more" than that?

For many of today's parents, the act of simply going to college doesn't feel special.  You did it, and a lot more people are going to college today than were doing so when you applied.   

So in the hope of wanting more for your kids, parents start to think about "good" colleges for their kids, "better" colleges, famous colleges with the allure of prestige.  Those schools seem like the next step, the most secure pathway to a happy and successful life.  But it's often a misguided goal, and one that can ruin the college admissions process for your family.

Working and saving to send your kids to college is entirely in a parent's control.  But molding your student into one that will supposedly be appealing to selective colleges is not in your control.  The fact that many of those colleges accept only 10-15 of every 100 students who apply is also not in your control.  Even the most well-intentioned parents can't influence the admissions decisions that colleges make. 

So parents worry.  Some get over-involved.  Some pick activities for their kids and write their kids' college essay.  The college admissions process becomes something loaded with fear and frustration for the entire family.  Parents take on the pressure of feeling that if your kids aren't accepted by the more selective colleges, you've somehow failed to give them more.   

But there's a key distinction here that many parents could benefit from knowing.  There is still an ocean of difference between life with a college degree and life without one.  But there is no guaranteed difference between a life with a degree from a famous school and life with a less famous school's degree. 

Famous colleges are not the "more" you're looking for.  It's not something you can just give your kids, and even if you could, it doesn't necessarily offer the outcome you're hoping for.  If you want to give your kids more than you had, change their experience of applying to college into one with more excitement and opportunity than you enjoyed in yours.  

Celebrate with your kids just how many colleges (over 2000) there are from which to choose.  Let your past enjoyment of your own college experience be contagious.  Be a supportive spectator, one who doesn't take over the process for your student, but one who knows how to encourage and cheerlead along the way.  Help your student make the most of the opportunity to select colleges that are a good fit, not just those that are close or cheap or happen to say, "Yes."   

You won't just be giving them the opportunity to attend any college.  You'll be given them the opportunity to choose from a wide variety of schools, and the chance to do so with a supportive and knowledgeable parent by their side.  You'll be embracing a goal that you can influence, one that will make you and your kids happier. 

And most importantly, you'll be still be abiding by the law of parenting and giving your kids more than you had.

The power of enthusiasm

Have you ever been to a store where the workers seem genuinely happy to be there (Trader Joe's and In-n-Out Burger come to mind)?  Those employees make your customer experience that much better.  

Have you ever taken a class where the teacher obviously loves the subject?  Her passion makes the material that much more interesting and usually makes you enjoy the class. 

Ever listened to somebody talk about why they love the Red Sox or the opera or taking baths instead of showers?  It's hard not to be a little intrigued when you hear their passion. 

Enthusiasm is contagious (I mean genuine enthusiasm, not contrived enthusiasm that you're manufacturing because you think it will help you get into college). 

Enthusiasm is also free.  You don't have to pay for an expensive tutor to teach you to be more enthusiastic.  Enthusiasm is available to anyone regardless of your GPA or test scores.  And colleges are just as likely to contract your contagious enthusiasm as anyone else is.   

If you have a favorite teacher or class, let your enthusiasm show.  Smile when you walk into class.  Raise your hand.  Ask questions.  Throw yourself into it by doing extra reading or taking a more advanced course in the subject during the summer. 

Don't join a club or play a sport or volunteer at a hospital if you're just doing it to get into college.  Find a club you're excited about.  Play the sport you love.   Volunteer someplace where you really believe in the mission of the organization.

Students who approach the college process the right way are usually enthusiastic because it's easy for them to enjoy the ride.  They're working hard but they're not limiting their college choices to the schools that reject almost everyone who applies.  They picking activities based on what they like to do rather than on what they think colleges will appreciate.  They're excited about the opportunity to be a college student regardless of whether or not the college is famous.

If you want to enjoy your college process (and get in to more colleges), add a little enthusiasm to your life.

If you have a favorite teacher or class, let your enthusiasm show.  Smile when you walk into class.  Raise your hand.  Ask questions.  Throw yourself into it by doing extra reading or taking a more advanced course in the subject during the summer. 

Don't join a club or play a sport or volunteer at a hospital if you're just doing it to get into college.  Find a club you're excited about.  Play the sport you love.   Volunteer someplace where you really believe in the mission of the organization.

Students who approach the college process the right way are usually enthusiastic because it's easy for them to enjoy the ride.  They're working hard but they're not limiting their college choices to the schools that reject almost everyone who applies.  They picking activities based on what they like to do rather than on what they think colleges will appreciate.  They're excited about the opportunity to be a college student regardless of whether or not the college is famous.

If you want to enjoy your college process (and get in to more colleges), add a little enthusiasm to your life.

Something you never hear

Here's something you never hear.

"He was a smart kid who worked hard in college, pursued his interests, found mentors, and made the most of the experience.  But unfortunately, his college wasn't a famous one, so he never went on to be successful."

Seriously, why do you think you never hear that? 

You've never heard that because you do not have to go to a famous college to be successful.  Anybody who tells you that you do is either misinformed or misguided, but whichever reason it is, they're wrong. 

Numbers don't lie

It's nice when someone does a study to lend statistical evidence that happens to support my little blog posts.  The Center for Public Education just released a report called “Chasing the College Acceptance Letter: Is it harder to get into college?”

From the report:

"It may come as a shock, but the data shows that it is no more difficult to get into college today than it was a decade ago. Beneath the headlines and the urban legends lies the real story: If students are well prepared in high school by earning the right credentials, they will get into a good college."

"And 'right credentials' doesn’t have to mean straight A’s, transcripts full of Advanced Placement courses, a perfect score on a college entrance exam, or spending fifty hours a week on extracurricular activities. It just means students should earn decent grades, take college-preparatory courses, and perform well on their college entrance exams. All these factors are within the power of high schools to influence. Does this mean that all students will get into the college of their dreams? Not necessarily. But students who fulfill the above criteria should be able to get into a competitive, four-year college and increase their chances of realizing their dreams."

You can read the full report here.  And thanks to Katie for finding it. 

10 class questions...

1. What's your favorite class?
2. Who's your favorite teacher? 
3. In which class are you raising your hand and asking questions?
4. In which class do you contribute to class discussions?
5. Which class's material do you find most interesting?
6. What's a class you've heard about that you want to take?
7. Which class do you look forward to attending every day?
8. What's your favorite subject?
9. Which subject do you wish you understood better?
10. What you are excited to learn about in college?

If you find yourself answering "none" or "nothing" to too many of these, why do you think that is?  Is it your teachers?  Is it your school?  Or is it your own attitude?  Sure, in some cases it could be a combination of all three.  But legitimate learners never complain about their schools or their teachers.  They don't need perfect conditions to learn.  All they want is access to the subject matter.  

Appealing college applicants have answers to all ten of these questions.  And if they don't, they're taking steps to change that.

What could you do to get yourself to a place where you'd have answers to all ten?

The one applicant

Here's my college admissions version of this blog entry I read about competition. 

Imagine you're a college admissions officer reading stacks of files every day.  Lots of applicants look the same.  But every now and then, one of them stands out.  Here are some examples.

Lots of the applicants volunteer at hospitals.  One of them is also a trained EMT who volunteers at a free health clinic on the weekends where people without health insurance can get medical care.

Lots of the applicants are student body presidents.  One of them was previously the student body treasurer who learned how to use Quickbooks accounting software, implemented it, and saved the school several thousand dollars in accounting fees.     

Lots of the applicants are Eagle Scouts.  One of them also teaches outdoor survival skills during the summers and writes an essay about the time he and a Boy Scout buddy voluntarily lived in the woods for five days and brought no food or drinking water with them just to sharpen their survival skills.

Lots of applicants are involved in the National Charity League.  One of them started volunteering at a literacy program when she was a sophomore and has now taught 32 previously illiterate adults to read.

Lots of applicants are in the school plays.  One of them took also took a carpentry class, read books about set design, and now leads the group of students who builds all of the sets for the school's drama productions.

Lots of applicants play sports.  One of them also coaches a 10-12 years-old girls' softball team and is one of the most sought after private softball pitching coaches in the area.

Lots of applicants play in the marching band.  One of them organized a field trip for the band to drive four hours on a Saturday to watch the Ohio State marching band practice just to see how it's really done.   

Lots of applicants are cheerleaders.  One of them approached local businesses and got sponsorships to send the team to a special camp over the summer so they could learn advanced stunts.

Lots of applicants have straight A's.  One applicant has mostly A's with two C's in math, but excels in her English classes, won the English department award, took poetry classes during the summer, writes a column for the school newspaper that not everybody likes (but many students love) and started an on-campus book club that meets at Starbucks on the weekends to discuss everything from Harry Potter to Shakespeare. 

Lots of applicants have high test scores.  One applicant has high math scores, but also takes college level math classes, worked with a professor over the summer to help her prove a previously unproven theorem.

Lots of applicants tell the college they're applying because, "It's a good school."  One applicant gives a detailed, thoughtful account of her visit to the college and recalls the exact moment she knew "there was chemistry between us."

In those pairings, which applicant is more memorable, more interesting, and more likely to get the nod from admissions?

It's a lot easier to be the applicant you can and want to be, to exert your own talents and be your own person, than to try to be just a little bit better than everyone else using the same old metrics. 

Don't try to be like lots of applicants.  Be the one applicant. 

The problem with pleasing everyone

I've met countless high school kids with impressive resumes who couldn't answer a simple question about which activity meant the most to them.  Those kids haven't spent any time considering what would make them happy.  They just spread themselves through a variety of activities and achievements based on what they thought would please other people (and colleges). 

I think those kids are spending far too much time trying to please everyone (especially adults) and not enough time figuring out who they are. 

A lot of high school kids have been taught that if you follow some simple rules, you'll be successful.  So you study hard.  You have perfect attendance.  You involve yourself in a variety of activities.  You have a good resume.  You don't say anything that might embarrass you.  You don't ask questions that might make you look foolish.  You learn what you're supposed to learn, study for the test, and then move on to the next subjects.  If you do these things, you'll please everyone, you'll get into college and you'll be successful.  Those are the rules. 

But here's the catch.  Trying to please everyone is no way to stand out.  If you don't believe me, just look at some of the most successful people.

From social revolutionaries like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, to business tycoons like Mark Cuban and Richard Branson, to industrial and technological innovators like Henry Ford and the Google Guys, they had a vision of what they wanted to accomplish, and they relentlessly pursued that vision.  If they had spent all their time trying to please those in charge, they probably never would have gotten as far as they did.  I'm not suggesting they went out of their way to defy authority (though some had to).  But pleasing everyone  was never the end goal.  They were motivated by their own passions, by a sense of purpose that was bigger than themselves. 

How much time do you spend just trying to please people? Are you taking classes you hate just so you can get into what you think is a good college?  Are you playing the piano because your parents want you to?  Are you going to pitching clinics because your coach told you to, or taking vocal classes because your drama teacher said you need them?  Are you doing them because those things make you happy, or are you doing them because other people told you to do them?

Please understand, I'm not advocating that you should brazenly defy authority and just do whatever you want to do.  Your parents, teachers and coaches deserve your respect, and you'd be burning bridges with people who could really help you achieve your goals. 

But I am saying that great leaders, inventors, communicators, organizers, people who make things happen for themselves and those around them, they got that way by identifying and pursuing their own passions. 

If you're a good kid who takes AP classes, gets straight A's, has high SAT scores, plays the piano, does community service, and is involved in clubs, that's great.  You're obviously smart and capable of working hard.  You should be proud of that.   

But if you can't answer a question about your favorite subject, or your favorite activity, or what you do for fun, or what part of college you're most excited about (these are all things that colleges will ask you, by the way), then you're a good kid who did all those things because the rules told you to do them.  That doesn't make you a bad kid.  But lots of kids follow the rules.  If you're trying to stand out and show your potential to colleges, there are better ways to do it.

The good news is that colleges are on kids' sides here.  Every admissions officer I've ever met steadfastly maintains that a kid who loves what he's doing, whatever the activity may be, is more appealing than a student with a long list of accomplishments he garnered in an attempt to impress colleges.  Colleges know it's the passionate kid who's going to keep doing great things once he gets to college.

So that's the trade-off.  You can try to please everyone, inevitably sacrifice some of your own happiness and be like every other good kid.  Or you can decide for yourself who you are and what makes you happy, and you can spend your time fulfilling your own goals. 

You won't please everyone, but you'll please the most important people (people who love you, people who understand you, and colleges that fit you).  And more importantly, you'll be happy. 

It's your choice. 

What have you done for them lately?

To apply and get accepted to college today, you'll need people to help you.

You'll need your counselor to answer your questions, to send your transcripts and maybe even to write you a letter of reference.

You'll need teachers who will write letters of recommendation on your behalf.

You might need your basketball coach, your ballet teacher, or your vocal instructor to share positive reviews with the appropriate people on campus.

You'll need your parents to support you both figuratively and (likely) financially. 

So, (long) before you go asking these people for their help, ask yourself, "What have I done for them lately?"

What have you done to make your US History class even better for your teacher?  What have you done to show your counselor that you appreciate her advice?  What have you done to be the kind of player every coach wants on his or her team?  What have you done to show your parents that you appreciate everything they've done and will continue to do for you?

I'm not suggesting that should bribe these people or do anything insincere.  I'm saying that whenever you ask someone to do something for you, the person naturally wants to feel like you've earned the right to have that favor done.  If you've gone out of your way to earn the right, they'll be even more inclined to work hard to help you. 

Are you earning that right?  If not, what could you be doing differently?  

You earn it in different ways depending on the person from whom you need the help.  But you still need to earn it.

A good source for SAT Subject Test requirements

So if you need information about SAT Subject Test requirements, here is the best place I've found to start.  The folks over at Compass Education Group have researched which schools require the SAT Subject Tests (formerly called the SAT-IIs) and shared everything they've found here. 

Of course, you should always check with the individual colleges (as you should with any admissions policy).  But Compass makes that easy by giving you the link to each of the colleges' websites where you can find this information. 

Why high school activities can be career training

Getting ahead in your high school activities is a lot like trying to get ahead in a company.  Yes, you've got to make your boss (president, coach, editor, etc.) happy.  But you can do other things, too, that will be noticed and appreciated.   

1.  Figure out how to make your customers happier.

If a business delights its customers, that business is going to grow.  And if you are an integral part of making customers happy, you're going to have a good career.

Does your club or organization exist to provide something for others--like a service, entertainment, or guidance?  If so,  you've got customers.  The school newspaper and the student government exist to serve students.  Dance teams and cheerleaders exist to entertain fans at sporting events.  Peer mediators exist to resolve conflicts between other students. If you're in any organization that has customers, what ideas do you have that would make customers happier?  What contributions could you make to help achieve that goal. 

2. Energize and inspire your co-workers.

Some people at work just know how to make everyone else around them better.  They usually lead by example and show other people what it looks like to cheerfully work hard in an effort to make things happen.  They never say, "That's not my job."  What could you do to inspire the people around you and lead by example?  What recognition or acknowledgment could you give to other people to let them know that you recognize and appreciate their efforts.  What could you do to help your fellow tennis teammates, or members of the Spanish Club, or musicians in the jazz band celebrate and enjoy their experience even more?  Start by being as engaged and enthusiastic as possible, and other people will follow.   

3. Develop a deep product knowledge.

A copywriter at an ad agency who knows how to write good copy will do a good job.  A copywriter at an ad agency who knows how to write great copy because she's studied how to do it, who's also researched the most successful ad campaigns and knows the copy by heart, who's read about the business of advertising and has learned why some companies succeed and others fail, who wants to sit in on the meetings with the entire team so she can learn more about account management, design and media planning, that copywriter is going places. 

What more could you learn about your "business?"  Whether you're on the tall flag team, the school yearbook staff, the Red Cross Club, the student government, the school newspaper, or the football team, I promise you there is more you could learn about what it takes to be successful. You don't necessarily have to learn everything, but the more you know, the more valuable you will be.

Don't wait until you have a career to learn how to get ahead.  Start getting ahead now.