Yesterday’s post from The Choice blog shared some particularly good advice for senior parents. I’m sharing the parent portion here, but the entire entry is worth a read, especially for seniors who are getting their early decision results back this week.
Advice for Parents
Step away from center stage. Please remember that this is your student’s moment. Your student should open the letter or e-mail or log into the portal.
Don’t make opening college decisions a public spectacle.
Encourage your student to make this a private moment with family. Your student should feel comfortable opening decisions in an environment that allows him or her to react as needed. This is not the time to throw a party or invite friends to witness the moment.After the decisions have been opened, let your student decide how and what to share about college news outside of the immediate family.
Be present for your student. Laura Ross, the head of upper school at Greenville School in Addison, Tex., and a former director of college counseling, recalls a story of what not to do: a parent was so focused on recording the
moment of opening college decisions, she said, that the mother seemed to not realize that her child, who had received bad news, was sobbing and asking her to put down the camera.Be supportive. ‘Many students’ biggest fear is not about ultimately going to a good-fit college; they are most concerned about disappointing the adults around them,’ said Steve Frappier, the director of college counseling at Ransom Everglades School in Coconut Grove, Fla. ‘Express how and why you remain in your student’s corner.'”
If I could add my own advice, I’d pitch in with this:
Remember that your kids take their cues from you about how to approach the college admissions process. Show your student how a mature adult deals with stress and maybe even disappointment. You don’t have to be perfect, but when you sense yourself losing your perspective, revert back to setting good examples. Guide and encourage them, calm them down, and don’t behave like a lunatic on their behalf.