Collegewise

Give Google what you’d want people to find

When someone Googles your name, do you like what they find? 

Whether you're applying to college, trying to get a job, or just wooing someone you hope to date more than once or twice, they’re often going to do their Internet due diligence and learn what they can.  It seems to me, we’ve all got three choices of how we influence the results.

1. You can work to keep things from Google. 

You can try to maintain your online anonymity—no Facebook profile, no uploaded photos, no blog or Twitter account, etc.  The two problems with this are 1) You’ll never be able to control everything, and 2) when you don’t show up online at all, people will wonder what the heck you’ve been doing with your time.  No online presence is almost as weird as a questionable one. 

2. You can let Google have everything, from anyone. 

Tweet your every thought.  Let anyone post embarrassing photos of you on Facebook.  Make all your profiles public.  Once you make that (probably bad) choice, you’d better hope you don’t change your mind.  That privacy will be hard to get back.

3. You can give Google what you want people to find.

The best option is to work to build an online presence you’re proud of and actually want people of consequence to see.

• Write a blog about your soccer season and post all the photos of your club team’s trip to Europe.

• Start a personal website where you share your photography, or sell your self-published guide to fixing computers, or show all the before and after photos of the Ford Bronco you restored with your dad.

• Launch a YouTube channel with videos of you playing piano in the jazz band (and maybe keyboard in your legit 80s cover band, too?).

• Read 10 books about the Civil War or Italian cooking or how to pitch a softball.  Then write thoughtful, provoking reviews and post them on Amazon. 

It’s not up to you whether or not people decide to Google you.  But you get to make some choices about what they find.

Send a good message by taking notes

Taking notes in class isn’t just good common study sense.  It also demonstrates that you’re bringing some effort of your own to this exchange.  It shows that you’re paying attention and that you care about what your teacher has to say.  That’s a powerful message to send, one that you might not want to reserve just for class time.

When you visit your teacher after class to ask for help, take notes on what you discuss.  Show that you’re doing your part to make the most of this extra time your teacher is giving you. 

If you meet with your counselor to talk about colleges that are a good fit for you, don’t just sit there and nod your head.  Write the names of the colleges down.  Ask a few questions and take notes on the answers.

Private counselors can do this, too.  When we meet with a new family who’s considering joining our program, we ask them if it would be OK if we took some notes during the discussion.  And we always take notes when we meet with our enrolled families, not just because we need to remember the information, but because we want the families to know that we care about what they’re saying. 

When you take notes during an interaction with someone, you’re sending a powerful message.  Don’t do it on a date—that would just be creepy.  But in class, a meeting with your teacher or counselor, even a job interview, send a good message by taking a few notes.

What UPS delivery drivers know about focus

A UPS delivery driver’s day is done as soon as the truck is empty—never before.   That’s why they always seem to be hustling, and you never see their drivers hanging out together on an extended coffee break in the middle of the day.  At UPS, it pays to be focused.  The sooner that last package gets delivered, the sooner it’s quitting time.

The straight-A student who never seems to pull a late night, who claims to have “barely studied for the test” isn’t always smarter than everybody else.  A lot of those kids just do their work like the UPS drivers.  No Facebook, no phone calls, no texts or emailing or YouTubing until the work is done. 

Focused work gets things done a lot faster.       

Help your teacher help you

Good students aren’t afraid to ask their teachers for help.  But if all you ask is, “I’m just not getting this—can you help me?”, that’s like telling your doctor, “I’m not feeling well” and hoping she’ll diagnose you with no other information.  The next time you need to ask your teacher for extra help, here are a few tips for making the time more productive for both of you.

1.    Start by being a good kid.
If you’ve blown off your homework, haven’t been paying attention in class, or just haven’t tried all that hard, don’t expect your teacher to save you two weeks before the final just because you ask for help.  Most teachers will go way out of their way to help a good kid who’s struggling.  So start by being a good kid.  If you haven’t done that and still want to ask for help, be honest about it.  Tell your teacher you know it’s your own fault you’re in this mess, and explain you’d like some help turning yourself around. 

2.    Don’t wait to ask. 
If you didn’t understand your trigonometry homework last night, why wait a week or two (or even worse, until after your next test) to ask for help?  This isn’t a problem that’s going to go away on its own.  And the longer you wait, the deeper the academic hole you’re going to be in, and the more material you’ll need to cover.  Ask for help early and you may find that one 10- to 15-minute chat with your teacher is all you need.

3. Be specific.
You can help your teacher help you by pointing out not just what you’re struggling with, but also what you feel confident about.  It sounds like this,

“Here’s my test from last week.   I got every problem with only one variable right, so I think I’m OK there.  But I just fell apart on every problem with two variables.  Can you show me what I’m doing wrong?”

That’s like process of elimination for your teacher.  It makes it easier for him to identify exactly what to focus on to help you improve. 

4. Make the understanding permanent. 
When you leave the meeting with your teacher, the material you just got help with is fresh in your mind.  But you still have to make that understanding permanent.  So after the meeting, go back over your last homework assignment or test and redo what you got wrong.  If you really want to make sure you’ve mastered it, pretend you have to teach it back to your class the next day.  Then stand up in your room and actually teach it (don’t laugh—it works).  That will make your newfound understanding permanent.  

5. Thank your teacher the right way.
You might think that your teacher has nothing better to do during lunch or after school than help you, but the truth is that when teachers do this, they’re doing you a favor (it’s a favor they should do for students, but it’s still a favor).  So here’s how to thank them the right way.  First, tell them how much you appreciate their help.  Then, a day or so later, just stop by and tell your teacher how you made that understanding permanent.

“Thanks so much for helping me yesterday.  I went back through my test last night and redid all of the multi variable problems, and I got all of them right.  I really appreciate your help.”

Now your teacher knows you did your part to make the extra help worthwhile.  And everybody likes to be appreciated when they do a favor for someone.

An easy way to get an advantage

1.    Show up on time. 
2.    Arrive with a smile on your face.

College interviews, job interviews, meetings with your counselor to discuss your classes for next year, dates, volleyball practice, auditions for the school play—it works everywhere.  It positively influences everything that happens next.  It’s free.  It’s easy.  It’s available to students with any GPA or test score. 

And yet even some of the world’s smartest people just won't do it.

Complaining won’t change the story

It’s hard to like a student who’s a complainer.  When things didn't go their way in high school, the most successful college applicants didn't complain.  Instead, they took those moments as opportunities to change the story. 

If you didn’t get into AP US History, don’t complain about it or send your parents in to fight with your counselor. Instead, change the story and learn college-level US history anyway.   Get a copy of the textbook and read it on your own.  Take US history at a local college or community college.  Or take a history class online for free at MIT. Then sign-up to take the AP test and see how you do.  Even if you don’t pass it, at least you’ve changed the story to something more positive.   

If you don’t get to be the starting catcher on the baseball team, don’t complain about “team politics.”  Work even harder.  Be an example to your teammates.  Bring a great attitude to practice every day.  At worst, you’ll spend the season as a capable backup who earned your coach’s respect and pushed the starter to keep her spot.  And at best, maybe you’ll get the starting nod someday.  Either way, you’ve changed the story.   

If you got an 89% in biology, don’t complain that your teacher wouldn’t give you the A.  You have two options.  1) You can either be happy with your effort and accept the B (there’s no shame in that).  2) You can figure out what you’ll do differently to get an A next semester.  Meet with your teacher to get his recommendations. Work even harder and show your teacher how badly you want to master biology.  Now instead of complaining, you’ve changed the story.

I’m not suggesting you should just keep quiet and wear it if someone is really treating you unfairly.  But most high school disappointments won’t be improved by complaining.  Part of being successful means learning how to navigate those situations and come out of them smarter, stronger and more mature.  That’s why so many colleges ask essay questions about failures, mistakes, and what you’ve learned from them.

You can’t always change an outcome.  But you can always change the story. 

Good failure vs. bad failure

As college admissions to the most selective schools has gotten more competitive, too many future applicants are afraid to experience, or to admit, failure.  But there is such a thing as a good failure. 

If you try out for the varsity soccer team and get cut, it’s not fun.  But that doesn’t mean it's a bad failure.  Maybe you use that free time to do something else you’re excited about?  Maybe you use getting cut as motivation to come back even stronger next year?  Maybe you find a way to be a part of the team anyway by being the team manager, or taking photos of the games, or running the fundraiser?  Any of those scenarios turns that failure into something good. 

Most successful students—and adults—have experienced failure.  If you put yourself out there enough times to go after things that aren’t easy to achieve, you’re going to fail every now and then.  There’s no shame in it.  It may be a big fat cliché with cheese, but the real failure is never trying. 

One of our most successful applicants at Collegewise wrote her essay about how she had lost every election she had every run in…badly.  But she used each of those opportunities to find activities that were even better suited to her.  And she ended up at Notre Dame. 

Sure, not all failures are good.  I’m not suggesting that you should blow off studying for your biology midterm just so you can experience failure.

But if you have a good failure, don’t be ashamed about it.  And don’t be afraid to share it with colleges (especially if they ask you about a failure and what you learned from it).  It takes a mature, confident person to admit defeat and to move on positively.

Colleges don’t expect you to be perfect.  And in fact, most will be impressed by good failures.

Just being yourself is impressive enough

My friend Paul from The Princeton Review knows more about standardized tests than anyone you will ever meet, so much so that he is a sought-after public speaker who is routinely flown all over the world to teach audiences how to put these tests into perspective.  Everyone leaves his speeches glad they gave up the time to attend.  He’s also a savvy businessman who for 20 years owned and ran the most successful branch of The Princeton Review before he sold it in 2009.  He’s mentored countless employees, high school counselors, and entrepreneurs who are grateful to him for his support and advice.  He’s the picture of success.  

Next week, Paul is scheduled to speak at a prominent local high school.  Today, the head counselor emailed him asking for a high resolution headshot they could use to promote the event.  This is the photo he sent.

If you know Paul, you’re not surprised.  In a word, Paul is silly.  He wears outrageous clothing.  His outgoing voicemails are always outlandish.  He’s always the first to poke fun at himself and takes only a few minutes to establish himself as the funniest member of any group.  This photo isn’t shtick.  It’s just Paul being himself.  That’s why people love and respect him as much as they do.

If you’re applying to college this fall, learn from Paul’s example.  I’m not saying every student should be goofy in your college applications.  But you should unapologetically be yourself.  Whether you’re a jock or a math geek, the lead in the school play or the tech-expert who runs the lights, a musician or an artist, a dancer or a poet, a kid who takes karate classes or one who works part time at a hamburger stand, a straight-A student or an average scholar who’s still a nice kid looking for the right school to spend the next four years, don’t be afraid to reveal yourself to colleges.  Be proud of who you are.  And never try to mold yourself into somebody you’re not just to impress admissions committees.    

As long as you’re applying to the right colleges, just being yourself is impressive enough.

Figure out how to make it work

Last week, a student told one of our counselors,

“I don’t even know my high school counselor.  I’ve had a new counselor every year since I started high school.”

Here’s what we told him:

“I understand that’s frustrating.  Tough.  You’ve got to figure out how to make this work.  It’s time to go talk to your new counselor.” 

Sure, it would be great if you had the same counselor for four years.  But people change jobs.  People get laid off.  People get promoted and do different jobs.  That’s the way the world works.

What are you going to do when you’re out in the workforce and your boss you’ve been working like crazy to impress leaves or gets promoted?  Are you going to write off your career and give up?  Of course not.  You’re going to have to figure out how to make this work, get to know your new boss and do good enough work that she'll notice and appreciate you.

A lot of the experiences you have in high school make for good life training.  If you’ve had two or three different counselors during the high school years, you can complain.  Or you can figure out how to make it work.  And only one of those options will help you get into college.  

How much positivity are you giving out?

Everybody—students, teachers and parents—needs a pat on the back every now and then.  One of the many great books from the Gallup Organization, “How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life,” talks about this using the analogy of a bucket.  The book’s premise is that we all have a personal bucket that needs to be filled with positive experiences like recognition or praise. So we have two choices to make about how to treat people.  We can always lean towards being critical and negative, which takes away from their buckets.  Or we can be positive, thankful and congratulatory, which fills their buckets and actually makes ourselves feel even more positive.  Yes, the premise may sound a little hokey and obvious, but how much time do you really spend consciously treating other people positively? 

There are plenty of applications here for managers, teachers, parents, and husbands/wives (as described in the book), but here are a few ways I think high school students could put this to use.

With your teachers

If you’re really enjoying a class, tell your teacher.  If your teacher stays after school to help you, tell her how much you appreciated it and how much good it did you.  If your teacher helps you with your college essay, or reads over a rough draft and gives you good feedback, or offers you any good advice that really helped you, say so and fill your teacher’s bucket.

With your parents

If you suffer a setback (like a low grade on a test) and your parents are understanding and supportive, tell them how much it helped you to know they were in your corner.  If your parents give you good advice to help you through a situation where you needed some guidance, thank them and let them know how much you benefitted from their advice.  And if they cheer you on when you have a big success, tell them how much their praise meant to you.  Here are a few more suggestions from an old post.

With your friends and classmates

If one of your friends makes the varsity team, sets the curve on a test, or gets accepted to his or her dream college, offer up a sincere congratulations and let your friend know how happy you are.  Congratulate the members of the cross country team when they win the league championship, the cast of the school play when they close out their final performance, or the writer on the school newspaper who writes a particularly good article you appreciated.  And if one of your friends is there for you in a time of need the way we all need a good friend to be every now and then, express your thanks.  Let your friend know the support didn’t go unappreciated.

The message here (and in the book) isn’t that you should lavish thanks and praise on everyone for no good reason—you won’t add anything to their buckets if you aren’t sincere.  But heartfelt positivity is free to you and so ridiculously easy to give if you’re conscious about it.  It will make you feel good about your relationships with people in your life.  And it will go a long way towards making people want to be there for you again in the future.